It’s the center of February, and the air is dry. There are tremendous strains rising on my brow, possibly as a result of I don’t moisturize sufficient, however possibly as a harbinger of one thing larger: every day I develop nearer to my very own demise. Quickly, I might be 30. I’ll by no means be youthful than I’m proper now.
Fintech-founder-turned-longevity-guru Bryan Johnson has a proposal that has caught my consideration. For the low, low worth of $1 million per yr, I will pay him to point out me the ropes of the “actual protocol” he’s adopted for the final 5 years. He calls this system “Immortals.”
Sure, a man who has acquired botox injections in his genitals will educate me supposedly reverse the method of growing older. Why shouldn’t I consider that Byran Johnson has uncovered the secrets and techniques to dwelling longer than another human? No, he has not but confirmed his capability to survive all different people. He was born in 1977, a yr wherein many present people had been born.
However why would I doubt the judgement of a man who fortified his structure with blood from his teenage son? When have the tech elite ever misled us? Ought to I additionally query when Elon Musk says that saving for retirement is irrelevant as a result of AGI will create an financial abundance so nice that nobody will ever know poverty once more?
In line with Johnson’s put up on X, this unique service — solely three spots can be found! — will embody “a devoted concierge workforce, BryanAI 24/7, in depth testing, hundreds of thousands of organic knowledge factors, steady monitoring, greatest pores and skin and hair protocols, and entry to the perfect therapies on market.”
I can speak to the AI model of a man who livestreams himself doing shrooms for “science?” Signal me up!
Besides I can’t. As a result of I would not have $1 million. These like me must accept shopping for Johnson’s overpriced olive oil in our pursuit of immortality (it’s peppery and clean!)
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June 23, 2026
My emergent brow wrinkle intensifies with the information that Johnson will probably have a straightforward time filling up these three $1 million spots. Among the many extremely rich, longevity has change into an more and more sizzling pursuit.
John Hering, who has given Musk billions of {dollars} in backing, co-founded Biograph, which describes itself as a preventative well being and diagnostics clinic. Its most premium membership prices $15,000 a yr (subsequent to Johnson’s providing, it virtually looks as if a very good deal… virtually). An analogous startup, Fountain Life, has raised $108 million to fund its “final longevity program,” which costs a $21,500 annual payment. Certain, Johnson’s program is much more costly, however keep in mind, there’s solely three spots! And when you’re nonetheless not able to shell out seven figures, nicely, you may entry a imprecise “supported tier” for $60,000.
There’s nothing improper with eager to stay an extended, more healthy life, however longevity influencers like Johnson take this to an excessive that’s unattainable and (frequent sense would say) completely pointless for the typical individual.
In his protection, Johnson isn’t attempting to proselytize us all into taking 100 capsules a day and subsisting largely on boiled greens. However he’s additionally not depriving us of the possibility to make him richer in change for his “secrets and techniques.”
